By: Tracey Liu
The show transported me back to a time when I was a carefree child - a time where I was unburdened by the enthrallments of the real world.
The characters made me dream of a world where I had powers; a world that was full of adventure and action, unlike the bland world that I actually lived in.
My mind was full of stories from the show, full of imagination, as I would lay in bed, looking at the ceiling and pretending that it was full of stars and constellations to fly me away.
For me, the show was everything.
As I grew up, it didn’t change. I would often rewatch the show, tearing up at certain parts that made me have to pause it, and stare at those scenes. I couldn’t believe that, in a blink of an eye, I was already a teenager, almost ten years older than when I had originally started the show. I was astounded: by what I had overcome, by the sense of nostalgia that flowed through me, and an almost sort of wishful thinking to go back to those times. I realized that I couldn’t finish the show - I could only make it to half of the third season. I couldn’t will myself to go on.
I felt that if the show finished, I would have no other way to connect with my younger self. And that maybe, once I had finished it, the world that my younger self was so closely entwined with, would disappear once more, leaving me alone. I couldn’t bear to do this to myself.
And so I played the theme song, over and over and over again, unable to tear myself away. I would cry, uncontrollably, feeling my heart break for no reason, other than just wanting, so badly, to live in that make-believe world.
In the end though, I had to separate myself from that world. I would always hold the world close to my heart; I couldn’t bear to part with it. But I also had to understand that the show would always be with me, no matter what. We all grow up - it’s inevitable. I used to yearn to grow up - to be elegant and professional, to do things that a kid couldn’t do. And yet, as time passes, I wish more and more for the old days where I could just be a kid. A kid that didn’t have to worry about people liking her. A kid that didn’t have to worry about being the smartest, the prettiest, the best in everything.
I yearn to still be her, and yet, I can’t.
It’s truly funny how quickly things change.