Twas Then: A Short Poem

Written by: Ishita Khambete

The cool spring air brushed against my skin, 
providing the coolness I was looking for. 

I took each step without a purpose, 
for there wasn’t a purpose,
not now, not ever. 

I have my AirPods in,
listening to BTS, Troye Sivan, and Queen.

My hair floats behind my face,
my eyes continuously blinking,
My face stone-cold.

I realize a lot of things when I walk like this,
I learn something about myself, 
stuff I don’t need to know,
not now at least.

I desire a purpose,
meaning, 
usefulness.

I don’t want to feel, 
to hurt,
but that’s an impossible dream, 
an unattainable hope.

Even in my deepest, darkest depths,
I wish, desire, hope.
Yet twas then that I realized that 
nothing matters, 
yet it all does. 

I never know if I’m in the right headspace for anything.
Love, life, even laughter. 

I stay emotionally neutral, 
Waiting for the next time something sets me off 
or pushes me into a space of temporary darkness,
or utter happiness.

Till then, I walk,
walk in the neighborhood,
with the cool spring air brushing against my skin, 
and pushing my hair back.